Marriage can be a wonderful and challenging life experience. It makes sense that before embarking on any major life experience, we get some proper training; i.e. becoming a doctor, lawyer, plumber, IT specialist, accountant, teacher.. you get the idea. So, why does it not make sense to receive proper training on how to be a mother, father, husband and wife?
We do receive some training very early on in our lives- we learn by watching OUR parents and caretakers and amazingly, we learn the ins and outs of these roles by the time we enter kindergarden! And as we grow, any major life experiences or traumas may change the way we act, think about, or see the world and our role in it. But what we learn as children is consistently reinforced by the life we live and people and environments we live around. As adolescents, young adults, and finally adults we experiment with these teachings when we embark on our own relationships. Sometimes, painfully, we find that the skills we learned as children are NOT the best at helping us maintain healthy, long-lasting connections.
Wouldn't it be great to learn how to change our unhealthy ways
Let me also mention the current US divorce statistics:
The current US trends show that approximately 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49 percent. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations. And the percentage goes up with 2nd and 3rd marriages, and so forth.
For a society that regards marriage and monogamy as highly desirable,
My personal wish is for each individual to be as autonomous as possible before entering a long term relationship. Since that doesn't happen often enough due to the wonder of falling in love and the sometimes damaging legacy we live as children of parents of parents who have learned bad habits; interventions like individual counseling, premarital counseling, and marital counseling can be life-savers.
Leng
Posted at 2012-04-26 02:55:15
Start with the unit chaplain.While the comanmd itself is not likely to allow time off for marriage counseling when the request comes from the service member him/herself, the comanmd may be more willing if the request came from the unit chaplain on your behalf. Ask the chaplain to act as a liaison between the you and your husband and the comanmd, as well as referrals to counselors in the local area. The chaplain may suggest seeking services on post first either through the hospital or ACS (Army Community Services). If you don't know who the unit chaplain is or you're squeamish about approaching the unit's chaplain, go directly to the chapel and ask for assistance. Whether you're religious or not, the chaplains are there to help you get what you need. If you're not religious, say so upfront so they know not to refer you to faith-based counseling. Heads up: ASC is generally short-term, up to 12 weeks. If you still need counseling after that, they may refer you out. Personally, I'm not fond of the idea of changing counselors that far into it, so it may be best to seek a referral through the chaplain or the hospital's mental health services.Do remember that a counselor provides a service just like a mechanic, computer tech or even a waitress. If you don't like the service provided, find someone else. Another resource you might find helpful would be Retrouvaille (Raleigh, NC see source).
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